


Not a Piece of Cake

by fruitcakes



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, cake metaphors and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 12:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10438164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fruitcakes/pseuds/fruitcakes
Summary: The well-worn tale of two friends, told through quotes about cake.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a part of a series called "Me forcing Wonwoo to like the things that I like, including Soonyoung." Riveting, right?

_“When autumn darkness falls, what we will remember are the small acts of kindness: a cake, a hug, an invitation to talk, and every single rose.”_  
_—Jens Stoltenberg_

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Jihoon-ie!" 

The chorus of cheery boys singing the birthday song fills the stuffy air of the room. They sing it far too fast, eager to get to the part where they smear the icing on the birthday boy's face. Or in this case, the entire cake. It's a messy affair and when Wonwoo thinks he can't bear to look at the delicacy being massacred, he slinks out the door. 

Outside, the air is cool and clear. He sees his reflection in the window. His hair is matted with sweat and his shirt is sticking to his body in weird places. He doesn't attempt to fix it because he doesn't care, and knows that nobody else cares either. 

He hears ruckus inside, raucous laughter invades the air. Wonwoo sighs and turns down the hallway towards the stairs. He wants a little time away from the overwhelming noise and clamour of the party; there're too many people. 

At the top of the stairs, there's already someone sitting, hunched over. Wonwoo pauses in his step. The boy has his arms wrapped around his knees drawn up to his chest, and his head bowed down. Wonwoo quietly decides to retrace his steps. 

"Hey." 

He stops abruptly at the call and slowly spins around on his heel. 

 _Oh, it's Kwon Soonyoung_. 

"Hi." He greets, but doesn't move closer. 

"Did they cut the cake yet?" 

"Yeah. Last I saw, they were trying to drown Jihoon in it." He jokes and chuckles awkwardly. 

He hardly knows Soonyoung. They have mutual friends but they're not really friends themselves. From the sparse interactions they've had, Wonwoo thinks he's a good guy. 

Soonyoung laughs too and it sounds genuine with the way his shoulders shake. "Did they set the buffet yet?" 

Wonwoo snorts. He didn't have Soonyoung pegged as the 'I’m just here for the food guy' but you learn something new every day. 

"Not yet. It'll probably take a while. Everyone will dance a little longer." He says and looks down the hallway towards the door of the party hall. The thump of the bass can be heard. 

"You're not going to dance?" Soonyoung asks, straightening up a little and tilting his head.

Wonwoo scrunches his nose. "It's too hot in there. I'm not that great at dancing anyways." 

Soonyoung nods. 

"Why aren't you in there?" Wonwoo asks slowly. It’s nothing out of ordinary for him to sneak out of parties midway and find a lone corner to cool off till he feels like himself again. But Kwon Soonyoung is much more of a social butterfly and in a way, he's the life of the party. Not to mention he's one of Jihoon's closest friends. So him sitting all by himself on the stairs is odd, to say the least. 

"I-I don't really know. I guess I'm a little tired is all." He says and ruffles his hair. "Come sit down." He adds with a half-smile. 

Wonwoo settles down next to Soonyoung, his mind already uneasy about how he's going to talk to this boy who's a mere acquaintance. 

He learns later that he was worrying needlessly. Because Soonyoung keeps the conversation going so easily that he never once has to struggle to look for topics. There're contemplative silences, but not awkward ones. This is, in the real sense of the word, their first conversation. But Soonyoung makes Wonwoo feel comfortable enough to joke around a little, and makes him a little less inhibited. They talk for long enough that Jihoon comes looking for them, or rather, for Soonyoung. 

"I've been looking everywhere for you. I thought you left!" He shouts. 

Soonyoung gasps mockingly. " _Me?_ Leave _your_ party? What do you take me for?" 

"Extra, as always." Jihoon deadpans. "Get back inside. The food is here." 

Soonyoung claps, his eyes narrowing as he smiles. "Awesome!" 

Jihoon scoffs and leaves, without acknowledging Wonwoo even once. Wonwoo slowly gets up, brushing his hands on his pants and begins to follow Soonyoung back inside. 

But the boy stops mid-step and turns around. "Hey! Give me your number." He says, and fishes around in his pocket. 

Wonwoo stares at the phone in his hand, as if it's alien to him. Then he stares at the boy, with the same look. The cynic in him is acting up, questioning why Soonyoung wants his phone number. 

He shuts it down when he sees Soonyoung smiling expectantly at him. He puts his phone number in. "Great! Thanks. I'll text you." Soonyoung says and takes his phone back, his fingers brushing Wonwoo's for a brief moment. It's enough for him to notice how exceptionally warm they are. 

Wonwoo enters the party hall to find the Black Forest cake smashed to death on a table. He looks at it pitifully and then moves on with his life, dwelling a little on his conversation with Soonyoung but being fully aware that it was a one-time thing. 

He's given his number to more people than he cares to remember and most of them don't text back. Obviously, he thinks, Soonyoung falls in that category. 

 

Generally speaking, Wonwoo _hates_ being proved wrong. But this time, he feels none of that bristling when he sees a text from Soonyoung the following afternoon. 

_Hi Wonwoo_

_Soonyoung here._

Wonwoo's mind instantly jumps places. _Does he want homework?_  

_Hello_

His phone buzzes insistently with a flood of texts almost the next second. 

_Are you free this evening?_

_The weather is kinda hot today_

_So I was thinkin_

_We could go for ice cream_

_The ice cream studio_

_Yk the one_

_Near our school_

Wonwoo laughs at the barrage of texts. He hates when people take thirty texts to say something they could have said in one. He doesn't let that deter him as he takes up Soonyoung's invitation, albeit a little uncertainly. _If he doesn't want homework, then what else?_  

 

"Cookies and cream!" Soonyoung points excitedly at the carton through the glass and smiles at the boy over the counter. The boy doesn't return his smile but Soonyoung isn't bothered in the least. "What do you want?" 

Wonwoo debates shortly before settling on his favourite. "Mint chocolate chip." 

Soonyoung's smile falls off and he looks vaguely disgusted. 

"What?" 

"Questioning your life choices." Soonyoung deadpans, and reiterates his order to the waiter. 

Wonwoo chuckles. He's used to this reaction. 

"You probably eat toothpaste like it's jam." Soonyoung mumbles and reaches into his pocket for money. 

Wonwoo is quicker though. He has already handed the cashier the money and taken his change while Soonyoung is still struggling to take the bills out from the pocket of his skinny jeans. 

He pouts when Wonwoo walks over. "That's not fair." 

"It's fair enough. What isn't fair, though, is you insulting my taste in ice cream." 

Soonyoung thanks the waiter for the ice cream, as he accepts the cone and the cup from him. 

They sit at a bench in a park a little ways down. The sun is lower in the sky now but it's still relatively warm; it's perfect weather. Soonyoung takes a bite from Wonwoo's ice cream and begrudgingly admits it's not that bad. "The chocolate makes it tolerable." 

Wonwoo laughs. He's doing a lot of that actually, since Soonyoung is funny. He talks and makes jokes with enviable ease but Wonwoo doesn't have the time to feel jealous. 

Soonyoung eats his ice cream like a kid. While Wonwoo finished his cup long ago, Soonyoung is still eating. He licks stripes across the scoop and nibbles at the cone like he has forever to enjoy the treat. 

The kids in the distance are playing on the swings; their shrill cries carry across the park towards them. Wonwoo looks to his left and sees Soonyoung staring intently at his face. 

"What?" He asks, feeling self-conscious. 

Soonyoung seems to shake out of his reverie and straightens up. "Nothing. You just have a nice laugh." 

Wonwoo smiles. "That was abrupt, but thanks. Your laugh is nice too." Even though he means it, he's aware it sounds like he's just returning the favour of the compliment. 

Soonyoung puts the entire remaining cone in his mouth and attempts to chomp down on it. His cheeks are fluffed up like a bunny and Wonwoo's afraid he'll choke on the waffle cone. But Soonyoung pulls through and smiles toothily at Wonwoo, bits of chocolate cookie stuck between his teeth. 

"You're weird." Wonwoo comments. 

"I know." Soonyoung beams. "I'm self-aware." 

Wonwoo nods. 

"Hey Wonwoo..." Soonyoung says softly after a short silence. He isn't looking at the boy he's addressing. 

Wonwoo hums in response. 

"Do you want to be friends?" Soonyoung asks, and turns his head to look Wonwoo in the eye. He has the same expectant smile on his face as the previous evening and Wonwoo feels helpless. 

He can't help but question the boy's motives. Also, he finds the question a little silly because he thinks they're at the age where friendships don't need to be sealed with words. He nervously licks his lips. 

"Okay." He says. And Soonyoung grins, his face going a little pink under the orange light of the setting sun. Wonwoo can't help but smile back too. 

_“My favourite food is cake._  
_What kind of cake?_  
_It doesn't matter. All cake.”_  
_― Jenny Han, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before_

The friendship between Wonwoo and Soonyoung develops in ways the former hadn't expected. Soonyoung often texts him and asks him to get more ice cream, or Burger King, or Starbucks. Even after weeks of it, Wonwoo hasn't gotten used to it. It still feels weird to him because hasn't been invited _so_ often for _so_ long now. It's strange because Soonyoung still hasn't asked for any favours, apart from a few selfies. 

Wonwoo can feel how Soonyoung is breaking down his defences, slowly but surely. And he lets it happen because he has no qualms about the boy anymore. 

"Weren't you friends with Seungcheol and Jihoon?" Soonyoung asks him one day, when they're sitting side by side in a booth at McDonald's. 

Wonwoo nods. "We still are; just not as close anymore." 

"What about Jeonghan and Jisoo? Weren't you guys best friends?" 

Soonyoung is pressing a raw nerve but it doesn't feel like he's rubbing salt into Wonwoo's wounds. 

"We were. Not anymore. They're closer to Seungcheol now."

Soonyoung is quiet. "And Junhui?" He asks softly. 

Wonwoo feels like there's no pity in the tone, or he can't sense it. Either way, he doesn't mind answering. "He became good friends with Jihoon." It doesn't exactly answer the question, but Soonyoung understands. 

He nods gravely and chows down on a cheesy fry. "You don't ever feel bad? That you're not close with any of them anymore?"  

Wonwoo stares at the burger. The lettuce looks sickeningly grey and the smell of the fried patty is too strong. He shrugs, feigns nonchalance while he feels his heart crumpling up like waste paper. "Sometimes. But it's fine. I've accepted it." 

Soonyoung is staring at him. He can feel his eyes on his skin and it makes him want to squirm. He puts the burger down and clears his throat. 

"What's with the face?" He asks with a mirthless chuckle and looks at Soonyoung. The boy is unmoved by the attempt at a joke. 

Soonyoung's next action catches Wonwoo so off guard, he reels from the impact. Soonyoung takes the whole of his left hand with one of his own and clutches it, gives him a lopsided smile. 

Wonwoo sees that it looks sad—a reflection of his own state of mind. But he can't comprehend why in the world Soonyoung would feel sad. "It's not a big deal..." he says awkwardly. Their hands are greasy and it feels a little icky where they touch, but he doesn't draw away. 

Soonyoung nods, but keeps holding Wonwoo's hand as he returns to his cheesy fries. 

Without being given a choice, Wonwoo becomes Soonyoung's best friend. This time Soonyoung doesn't pose it as a question, but places it as a statement. It's still silly how he feels the need to say it, but Wonwoo is glad. He's glad because there's no ambiguity anymore. He's Soonyoung's best friend and Soonyoung is his. 

 

 _“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.”_  
—George Harrison

"Soonyoung, this looks like absolute shit." Wonwoo complains as he stirs the various sauces together. It's supposed to be Thousand Island dressing but it's a sickly pale orange and the most unappetising thing Wonwoo's ever seen. Beside him, Soonyoung is attempting to chop up lettuce but the pieces are so uneven, he might as well have not used the knife at all.

At Soonyoung's insistence, they had signed up for a cooking/baking competition in school, just for the laughs. But neither of them could cook or bake anything. They figured they could at least manage to whip up a decent looking salad. Turns out, they can't. 

As Wonwoo looks at the other participants, he feels his mouth water at the sight of the food they're making—perfect little rows of kimbap, devilled eggs, and chocolate mousse in shot glasses.

"Look, just try your best. Like me." Soonyoung says and brutally brings his knife down on an innocent cherry tomato.

The red juice splatters everywhere and gets on Wonwoo's glasses. He groans. "I give up."

Soonyoung sighs and puts down the knife. "Okay." He says. 

"Can we go home?" Wonwoo asks, cleaning his glasses. 

"When I say run, _run._ " Soonyoung whispers in his ear. 

"Wha-what?" Wonwoo hardly has the time to ask before he's being pulled by his wrist towards another table. 

"Hi, Chan!" Soonyoung greets the boy on the other side of the table. 

The junior, Wonwoo presumes, looks up from his work for a short second and returns Soonyoung's greeting with a smile. 

"What're you making?" Soonyoung asks, leaning forward, his voice dropping with faux sweetness. He doesn't really have to ask. The cupcakes are laid out in a neat row on a wooden tray—some complete, some halfway there. They look tempting. 

"Chocolate cupcakes!" Chan declares proudly with a smile. 

"They look great." Soonyoung compliments. "I hope you win today." 

"Thanks!" Chan replies, his eyes trained on piping the next cake. 

Soonyoung looks at him. " _Run!_ " He mouths and then bolts out the door. Wonwoo follows, acting on instinct. He doesn't know why he's running but he doesn't stop, keeps his eyes set on Soonyoung's back. Eventually, they come to a stop when they reach the tennis clay courts. 

Wonwoo is panting heavily, trying desperately to catch his breath. "Wha-what t-the f-fuck was th-that?" He heaves the question, as his lungs threaten to give out. 

Soonyoung is giggling. He holds up in his hand one of the chocolate cupcakes. 

"You stole Chan's cupcake?!" Wonwoo exclaims, his eyes wide as saucers. 

Soonyoung nods. "He had so many, anyways. He doesn't need them all!" He justifies in a whiny tone. 

"That doesn't make it alright!" Wonwoo argues and straightens up as he regains his composure. 

"Oh, come on. You know you want it too." Soonyoung grins and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Wonwoo can't lie. He does desperately want to taste the cupcake. Soonyoung must see the way his mouth is watering because he laughs. 

"Let's split it half and half." He says and very carefully breaks the cupcake into two neat pieces. He looks at them and then hands Wonwoo the bigger one. 

"Thanks." 

"Thank Chan." Soonyoung retorts and proceeds to put the entire piece in his mouth in one go. The corners of his lips get smeared with icing and the crumbs stick to his lips but he doesn't seem to care as he groans at the taste. Wonwoo stares as his mouth goes dry. It's a little unfair, he thinks, how Soonyoung can do something that weird and still look cute while doing it. 

Wonwoo is more careful, on the other hand. He takes small bites and relishes the treat. "This is so good." 

"It-th ama-th-in." Soonyoung says with his mouth full. Translation: it's amazing. He licks his lips. They're pink and coated thinly with the dark brown of cocoa. 

When the cupcake is gone, they abandon the salad and go to Soonyoung's house. His parents are at work so they're all by themselves. They sit on the edge of Soonyoung's bed and play Call of Duty. 

"I'm tired." Wonwoo says sullenly as his eyes become heavy after a couple hours of playing. As if on cue, he yawns. 

"Me too." Soonyoung says. "Do you want to nap?" He asks, pausing the game. 

Wonwoo nods and takes off his glasses. 

Soonyoung pulls out the comforter from the dresser and spreads it on the bed, while Wonwoo pulls the blinds down to block out the sunlight. 

They huddle underneath the soft smelling cotton. Soonyoung falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. Wonwoo watches for a few moments, through hazy eyes. He can't make out the boy’s features but he can see the blots of colour. He sees his brown hair, dark eyebrows and the pink of his lips. Wonwoo briefly wonders why, before he drifts into a dreamless slumber. 

Wonwoo wakes up to the sun setting behind the blind, rays of soft orange light peeking through the slits. He sighs and stretches a little, rolling over towards Soonyoung. His friend is still sleeping soundly, his breath coming out in even puffs from his parted mouth. 

Wonwoo props himself up on an elbow and watches while he counts the seconds. _28-29-30-_  

He sighs and shakes Soonyoung’s shoulder. "Soon-ah, wake up." He says, his voice hoarse. 

Soonyoung's eyelashes flutter, his eyebrows furrowing briefly and lips pressing together. He whines and stretches and Wonwoo doesn't stop watching. 

Soonyoung opens his eyes, looking a little out of it. It's so adorable Wonwoo smiles involuntarily. Soonyoung returns the smile with a lazy one of his own. Something in Wonwoo's heart swells a little, like cake batter fluffing up in the oven. 

He's not known for making the best decisions in general but when he's floating in the post-nap haze, Wonwoo's judgement is absolute shit. "You're cute." He blurts.

Soonyoung laughs heartily. "Thanks." He isn't flustered in the least. Instead, he basks in the compliment. "Do you wanna..." he starts and slowly sits up in bed. “Do you wanna stay over tonight? Tomorrow's Saturday. I was thinking we could watch Shawshank Redemption. Since you've never seen it..." 

"I want to, but I don't have my clothes or phone." Wonwoo says. 

Soonyoung nods groggily. 

Wonwoo wants Soonyoung to ask him stay over, regardless. He desperately wants to stay the night and spend more time with him. Soonyoung heeds his wish. "You could borrow my clothes. I have some oversized shirts." He says and gestures towards his closet. 

"Okay." Wonwoo says, and he's afraid that the grin which spreads on his face, betrays his happiness. 

Soonyoung closes his eyes and leans back against the headrest. Wonwoo's eyes don't leave his face—the almost exquisite slope of his nose and the chubby cheeks. 

Then Soonyoung sighs and gets out of bed. He rummages around in his closet and throws a couple of clothes at Wonwoo. They hit him square in the face. "Hey!" He shouts indignantly. But Soonyoung only giggles. "Go change." He orders. 

Wonwoo enters the attached bathroom and locks the door. After he's dressed, he stands and looks at his reflection. The shirt fits him well; just the sleeves are a little short. It has a hole near the hem but he doesn't mind, because it smells a lot like Soonyoung. The brown pyjamas hardly reach his ankles and the waist is a little loose but they're comfortable. Over all, he can't really complain. He walks out. 

Soonyoung is crouching near the television and setting up the DVD player. He turns and looks at Wonwoo, and then keeps looking. Wonwoo feels a little uneasy as his gaze doesn't let up and his mouth hangs open just slightly. 

 _They’re his own clothes. Why is he staring?_ He wonders. 

Eventually, Soonyoung comes to his senses. "They fit alright?" He asks. 

Wonwoo nods. 

They end up watching Legally Blonde. Well, less watching and more talking over the movie and finding faults in it. It's good, Wonwoo thinks, as long as he's with Soonyoung. They're drinking cola straight from the huge one litre bottles. Wonwoo's teeth are probably rotting away by the time he's halfway done with it, but he doesn't care in the least. 

Soonyoung reaches out with his foot and pulls the comforter over them using his toe. It's a habit of his that comes from being incredibly lazy. 

The movie ends but they keep talking without any lull in the conversation. 

Soonyoung is lying down with his chin on his chest and it gives him a double chin and pushes his lips out in a silly pout. Wonwoo feels so endeared. 

He isn't known for making the best decisions in general but when it comes to Soonyoung, his judgement is absolute shit. 

Wonwoo knows Soonyoung is a little unreachable for him; a little too bright that stands out against his own grey. 

But he wants. And the desire is amplified manifold when they're so close that Wonwoo can reach out and have what he wants. 

So he does. He figures he can take a little; a fragment so small that Soonyoung won't miss it. 

Wonwoo swallows, gathers all of his guts and kisses Soonyoung full on the lips. The boy jumps almost violently at the contact and Wonwoo wraps a hand around his shoulder, holds him in place. Soonyoung's lips are damp from the cola and so, _so soft_. He carefully moves his lips against Soonyoung's for a brief second and then pulls away. 

You can only take so much. When he sees the shock on Soonyoung's face, he feels guilt—strong and unyielding. Tears prick at the back of his eyes and his heart is clenched so tight, it might as well not be there. 

The apology bubbles in his chest and the ‘sorry’ is on the tip of his tongue. But just before it tumbles out, Soonyoung intercepts. He leans up and slots their lips together, fists the front of Wonwoo’s (his) shirt so tightly that Wonwoo loses all of his breath in one fell swoop. 

It's so overwhelming when he tastes the sugary sweetness of cola, with hints of something that he can't quite place, but assumes is Soonyoung. 

It seems to last forever, the kiss stretching like stringy cheese. It's when Wonwoo feels like his heart might burst if he doesn't look at Soonyoung, he draws back. Soonyoung doesn't look shocked anymore. Dazed but not shocked. His pupils are blown wide and lips shiny and red. It's so heart-warming that Wonwoo struggles to form a single coherent thought. 

"I-I-" he mumbles. 

Soonyoung licks his lips. "Wonwoo-yah..." he whispers, "It's okay." 

Wonwoo doesn't know why Soonyoung is consoling him, till he feels a hot, liquid trail along his left cheek. He's crying and he doesn't know why. He doesn't know much except he wants to kiss his friend a little more; take a bigger piece of the cake.  

 

_“I'm a glutton for all the good things in life- birthday cakes, a comfortable bed and a good book; all in that order.”  
—Ruskin Bond_

 

"My shoulder is killing me!" Soonyoung whines with no precursor as he barges into Wonwoo's room one Saturday afternoon. He groans and plops himself face-down on the bed next to Wonwoo. 

"Why?" Wonwoo asks, as he puts his book on the nightstand. 

"I slept in a weird position last night and now it hurts." Soonyoung mumbles into the mattress. 

Wonwoo laughs. "Well, that's your own fault." 

"I’m aware, Wonwoo. The least you could do is offer a little sympathy." He says and lifts his head to stare at Wonwoo. 

"Okay. Where does it hurt?" Wonwoo asks, crouching closer. Soonyoung wiggles his arm out from under his body and points at the spot between his neck and left shoulder on his back. "Here." He says and as if drained from the act, he drops his head again. 

Wonwoo smiles at his friend's antics. Then he carefully pulls the neck of the sweater down to look at the sore spot. Soonyoung jumps at the touch of Wonwoo's cold fingertips, but doesn't budge. 

Wonwoo leans down and softly kisses the fuzzy skin. 

"There. It’s all good now." 

Soonyoung is still as a log for a few seconds before he stirs and turns his head sideways to look at Wonwoo. His right cheek is smushed against the bed. "It's a little better but... not quite alright." He says, furrowing his brows. 

Wonwoo laughs, throwing his head back, at the poorly-concealed request. "Yeah?" He asks. But he acquiesces and leans in to plant more kisses on the same spot, eventually losing track and kissing just about everywhere— Soonyoung's neck, nape, shoulder. It doesn't matter, he thinks, because it's all Soonyoung. And that's about the only thing he wants. 

Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he's aware his greed won't get him anywhere good. But then he kisses Soonyoung and the voice is smothered by the heady cocktail of chemicals his brain cooks up at the sensation. 

Their relationship is equivocal—fuzzy around the edges, and lacks the clarity Wonwoo had initially admired. His want blinds him, though, and he finds himself not quite caring. He gets what he wants, and he just wants more of it. 

 

_“Is it better to be feared or loved? Loved, because people associate with you because they want to, not because they need to. We need to eat beets, but we want to eat cake. Be the cake of the world.”  
—Jarod Kintz_

Wonwoo, over the past several months, has managed to make friends with Soonyoung's friends. They all go out to eat together, play video games, go for movies and he's a part of it. He's also starkly aware that he _isn't_ a part of it. 

While Soonyoung is smack dab in the middle of the circle, he's on the fringes of it. They're Soonyoung's friends first, and then his by extension. And this, Wonwoo realises, makes him bitter. It makes him want to lash out at everyone, every time he remembers it. 

He realises people associate with Soonyoung by choice, but with him it's because of some compulsion. He concludes he should make things easier for them. 

 

"Wonwoo, do you want to go bowling?" Soonyoung calls and asks. 

"No. I'm a little busy. I've got to study." He makes the first excuse that comes to mind; realises belatedly that it makes no sense. 

Soonyoung is quick to point that out. "But it's spring break." 

Wonwoo is silent, contemplates spilling the truth but eventually resists. 

"Why won't you hang out with us anymore?" 

"It's not like it matters." Wonwoo mutters bitterly. "I gotta go. Bye. Have fun." With short, bitten sentences, he hangs up before Soonyoung can speak half a word. 

He knows his behaviour is uncalled for. But here's the thing about self-pity, it helps justify a lot of things. 

_“The first year was like icing. Then the cake started to show through…”  
― John Ashbery_

One sugar. Two sugars. Three sugars. Three and a half. Soonyoung adds three and a half sugars to his small cup of milky coffee and Wonwoo can imagine the cloyingly sweet, disgusting concoction it must be. He drinks his own coffee black and argues that that's how it's meant to be. 

"Coffee elitist." Soonyoung scoffs and drinks from the paper cup, and smack his lips childishly. The sticky coffee clings to his bottom lip. 

"Why drink coffee if you're going to make it like that?" Wonwoo asks, as he sits down on the bench. The metal is cool against his thighs. 

"It’s too bitter otherwise." Soonyoung says. "I save only the good parts." 

Wonwoo reaches out and slowly takes Soonyoung's hand. It's a simple movement but he can't help but notice how Soonyoung's hand is completely lax; motionless in his own. 

They've been friends for seven months now and something else for three. _Something else_ because Wonwoo isn't certain _what._  

For the first month, he was elated to have his affections returned. With far too many kisses to count and sweet gestures that made his stomach act a little funny, he couldn't focus on anything else. He gladly accepted what Soonyoung gave him, and revelled in the tiny bits of happiness. 

The second month, he began pushing for more and more. Just _a little_ more. And Soonyoung surrendered more ground. Honest conversations that stretched into the early hours of the morning, and open-handedness, made Wonwoo believe that he really did have a piece of Soonyoung's heart. Maybe not all of it, but a piece. _It's enough_ , he had thought. 

It wasn't enough. The third month, Wonwoo began to feel weighed down by the sadness that comes from nursing dreams that'll never come true. He knows he can't have Soonyoung the way he wants to, and it makes him queasy in his own skin. Soonyoung doesn't stop; doesn't notice anything. He doesn't withdraw even when Wonwoo gets too carried away and marks dark hickies down the side of his neck. 

Wonwoo feels guilt when he sees them later—looking kind of ugly against the otherwise smooth skin of Soonyoung's neck. He feels it's an accurate representation of his own feelings. 

 

_“You can't have your cake and eat it too.”_

 

July means sweltering heat and long days. July means an insane amount of popsicles and cold drinks. It also means Wonwoo's birthday. 

Wonwoo likes his birthday. It's a special day. His mom always makes his favourite dish for breakfast, and his dad buys him something nice as a present, and they smile at him all day like he's some kind of precious person. He's not, so he treasures the day as best as he can. 

After filling himself to the brim with sunny side up eggs and sausages and fried rice, Wonwoo settles down on his bed to watch television. Not long after, the doorbell rings. He doesn't get up because he knows his mom is there to answer it. 

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, Jeon Wonwoo!" 

He looks up and sees the door of his room gently open. Soonyoung enters with a wide smile and Jihoon in toe. The short boy is holding a cake in his hand, three tall candles flickering on top of it. 

Wonwoo can't help the smile that takes over his features. 

"Happy birthday to you~" Soonyoung finishes singing and giggles. Wonwoo clambers off the bed and hugs him. 

He gives a friendly smile to Jihoon and blows the candles out. Soonyoung claps happily and hands him a plastic knife to cut the cake. He and Jihoon both take turns to feed Wonwoo bites of cake and wish him a happy birthday yet again. 

Wonwoo's mother makes them lunch. Soonyoung eats half of it all by himself. They watch some stupid TV show, sprawled on the bed. It's nothing exciting of course, but Wonwoo thinks it's great. They take a few selfies, just for the sake of it. And a while later, Jihoon leaves saying he has somewhere to be. 

Soonyoung shuffles on the bed and presses himself close to Wonwoo's side. "Do you want to eat the cake?" Wonwoo asks. Soonyoung nods and he feels it against his arm more than he sees it. 

The cake is red velvet—the vanilla buttercream is so rich that it coats all of Wonwoo's tongue with a single bite. The strawberry filling is tart and a perfect contrast to the cream, balancing it out to create a harmony. 

Their slices are gone before long and then so is the space between them. Wonwoo is facing sideways to kiss Soonyoung; is a little overwhelmed by the sweetness of the cake that lingers in their mouths. He moves to straddle the boy—pushes him to the wall with firm hands. 

He feels every touch go to his head till he feels like he's got his head in the clouds. It lends him a false sense of security and makes him think he's invincible. 

He licks the corner where Soonyoung's lips meet and draws away slightly, just enough that he can frame the words. "Be my boyfriend." 

Soonyoung swallows thickly; looks shocked and it's a copy of the first time Wonwoo had kissed him. But this time, there's no guilt in Wonwoo's heart. There's only a subtle desperation. 

"Wonwoo-yah." Soonyoung whispers his name, affection unhampered. "I can't." He exhales shakily and Wonwoo feels the brush of his breath against his mouth. It makes him shiver. 

"Why not?" He asks and half his question is swallowed by Soonyoung kissing him again. He moves his hands to Soonyoung's hair, clutches the soft strands as if trying to get a grip on his own head. 

"I- I can't." Soonyoung says, but keeps kissing Wonwoo. His actions contradict his words and it's so confusing. 

"And you can keep kissing me like this?" Wonwoo doesn't mean for it to sound angry, but it does. He doesn't mean for it to sound so sad, but _it does_. 

He pulls back, lets Soonyoung's arms fall from his back. It's suddenly too cold but his ears feel too hot from the mortification. 

"Wonwoo... this is-" Soonyoung's eyes are downcast. "I just- I-" he gives up trying to find the right words then. 

"Soonyoung-ah, you can't have your cake and eat it too." Wonwoo says gently and clambers off his lap. He feels a little out of control and the way his eyes are out of focus makes him dizzy. 

Soonyoung inhales softly once, twice, and then gets up to leave. 

Wonwoo doesn't really sleep that night. At three am when it becomes impossible to lay in bed any longer, he gets up and walks down to the kitchen. In the fridge, the red velvet cake sits innocently in its box. 

He takes it out and cuts a slice for himself.

But it's no longer as tasty. The pickled strawberries are too sour and the crumb is too dry. The rich buttercream is underwhelming. It just sits thickly on his tongue and stubbornly refuses to taste like anything except regret. 

 

~

 

"Add the butter now." Jihoon drawls, looking utterly bored. 

"Are you sure? Aren't we supposed to mix the dry ingredients first or something?" Soonyoung tilts his head. His fringe falls into his eyes and he raises his arm to brush it away. 

"Look." Jihoon starts, looking utterly exasperated. "I don't know fuck-all okay. I'm just reading the recipe.” He jabs at the book on his lap and rolls his eyes. 

"Wow, okay. No need to be so salty." Soonyoung mumbles and adds the butter into the flour and sugar mixture. "You could help you know." 

Jihoon snorts. " _You_ hurt _your_ best friend. _You_ break his heart and _I_ should help? _Why?_ " 

He's propped up on the black granite counter of Soonyoung's kitchen, helping him bake a cake. 

(“Why a cake?” Jihoon had asked. “What kind of cake?”

“An apology cake.” Soonyoung had explained.

“That sounds pathetic.”) 

"Okay, I know I fucked up okay, but have some sympathy." He begs as he frustratingly attempts to mix the stuff together. 

"Eggs now. And then the milk." Jihoon parrots off the book. 

"Are you sure?" 

Jihoon rolls his eyes and sighs. "I don't know why you're worried." 

Soonyoung doesn't look up. 

"You could show up with a mound of floor that vaguely resembles a cake and he'd still forgive you." 

Soonyoung stops whisking and points the whisk at Jihoon’s face. " _This!_ " He shouts, flicking a few drops of batter here and there. "This is why he got angry in the first place. Because I took him for granted." He returns to the task at hand. "I'm not making the same mistake again." 

Jihoon must sense the gravity of his words because he shuts up and buries his nose in the cookbook. 

He's baking the cake but Soonyoung isn't sure if Wonwoo even wants to look at his face again. 

School was a painful saga of avoiding and being avoided by the boy. They were both running around endlessly in circles for the past month and it was getting exhausting. More so because Soonyoung realised how much he missed Wonwoo. After a long talk with Jihoon, of all people, he concluded he had been, to put it simply, _a fucking idiot._  

Even now he can't pinpoint what it was that made him turn Wonwoo down. They were semi-dating already; they might as well have gone all the way. The simplest explanation would be that he was scared. 

When he realised how he craved Wonwoo's company, he decided it really was that simple. He was just scared. As time went on, his fear and anxiety melted away into an intense longing. Thus, this call to arms. He was going to win Wonwoo back. 

The cake comes out of the oven looking surprisingly stable and decently appetising. Jihoon sniffs at the steam rising from the pan. "Not bad." He hums.

Together, they remove the caramelisation and slice it into two. It's a little jagged everywhere but Soonyoung thinks it'll be fine if the layer of cream is thick enough. 

Jihoon watches _How to Cake That_ videos on his phone and relays the instructions to Soonyoung who diligently follows them. It's a little cheesy, he knows. But he also knows that Wonwoo's love for cake is supreme. 

The cake stands proudly on the counter, wearing a full coat of white buttercream and sloppily sprinkled confetti on top. At the centre of it, is Soonyoung's heart. 

Not _literally_ , but it's there in red icing. 

"He’ll like it." Jihoon says, slapping a hand on Soonyoung's shoulder. 

"I hope he does."

Sunday morning brings him to the doorstep of Wonwoo's house. As usual, his mom answers the door and she looks a little confused at the big Tupperware box in his hand. 

"Good morning. My mom sent this for Wonwoo. Is he in his room? Thanks." He recites, without giving her chance to get a word in sideways. 

There's none of the nervousness Soonyoung had felt while walking there. Now, he just feels a surge of courage. He's offering his heart on a platter to Wonwoo, quite literally, and he hopes his friend has more sympathy for it than he did. 

Wonwoo's sitting at his desk, his glasses nearly slipping off his nose, head hung low to read the minuscule text displayed on his kindle. He looks up when the door opens. 

Soonyoung enters. "Hi." He says. 

Wonwoo stares dumbly. "Hello." He says. After months of radio silence, his deep voice echoes in the walls of Soonyoung's chest. It's overpowering. 

"How are you?" 

"I'm good." Wonwoo says, still glued to his chair. "What about you?" 

“I'm good too." 

The small talk feels absurd. Soonyoung walks forward tentatively and sets the cake down on the desk. 

Wonwoo looks up at him quizzically. 

"I'm sorry, Wonwoo." He says, with a tremor in his voice. "I didn't mean to run away. I was..." 

Wonwoo is looking at him with a blank expression. 

"Scared." He finishes. 

Wonwoo doesn't look angry, just curious. 

"Of what?" He asks, pushing his glasses up his nose. His hair is a little longer now and brushes the tips of his ears shoddily. 

"Of being in a relationship. I'm really bad at those. And I didn't want you to suffer through that." He knows it's a lame excuse even as he says it. "I just... thought that... that I could have all the good parts without tying you down." 

"Without tying yourself down." Wonwoo corrects. 

Soonyoung inhales and nods because it's true. "But Wonwoo, it was a baseless fear. You could never tie me down. You make me happy and I want to give it… a shot." He wonders if that's a good phrase to use or not. Everything sounds strange to his ears and his words are clumsy. He crouches down next to Wonwoo and kneels by his feet. Wonwoo's eyes follow him. 

"I miss you." He says and gingerly places his palms on the boy's knees. He touches the bare skin there because Wonwoo's wearing shorts. He steels himself, fortifies his heart. "Be my boyfriend." 

Wonwoo stares at him, stares for a long minute. Then he sighs and reaches a hand out to run it through Soonyoung's hair, his thin fingers carding the brown strands. 

“I'm sorry.” Soonyoung says again and hangs his head. 

"It's okay." Wonwoo says and gently kisses his forehead, his hand not leaving his hair. 

The cake sits in the box while they gather their bearings, piece their friendship together and crumb coat their hearts.

 

"You made this yourself? Amazing." Wonwoo marvels after the third bite. Soonyoung nods and smiles proudly. He still eats the cake greedily and messily. It gets everywhere, including Wonwoo's bed sheets. 

Wonwoo tuts his tongue but continues licking the cream off the spoon. 

"Do you like it?" Soonyoung asks.

Wonwoo nods and smiles. 

"Do you like me?"

Wonwoo laughs and then nods again.  

"More than cake?” Soonyoung grins cheekily. 

"Know your place, kid." 

_You've got this life and while you've got it, you'd better kiss like you only have one moment, try to hold someone's hand like you will never get another chance to, look into people's eyes like they're the last you'll ever see, watch someone sleeping like there's no time left, jump if you feel like jumping, run if you feel like running, play music in your head when there is none, and eat cake like it's the only one left in the world!  
― C. JoyBell C._

**Author's Note:**

> I feel the need to apologise so, sorry! In all honesty, this was 360% self-indulgent. I just really love cake.


End file.
